If you are someone who relives conversations or regrets at night, you’ve probably wondered why you relive conversations at night and why your mind waits until everything is quiet.
I once worked with a client who told me, “The moment I lie down, my mind attacks me with every conversation I had that day.” I remember watching her describe it—her hands tense, her breathing shallow, her eyes fixed on the floor. It wasn’t the conversations themselves that hurt her. It was the feeling underneath them: that she had somehow failed an invisible standard she never agreed to.
As she spoke, I realized this wasn’t random overthinking. It wasn’t weakness. It wasn’t a flaw. It was a pattern. A survival pattern. One I’ve seen hundreds of times in people who are exhausted, emotionally sensitive, and deeply caring. A pattern that waits for the moment everything is quiet to rise up.